New Hopes

       You can just read my previous posts and know that I have not been having an easy time for the past two years. I am simply tired of this. I go to work and I work hard for my money  (Donna Summer RIP). I never seem to get  any where . I pay for one or if I am lucky two bills and I have little or no money after that. I still have other  bills that don't get paid. I am doing it for what? I live in my mom's trailer. It is a trailer that I put money down on it the first place for her to get and I in the past  sent money home for her to pay the mortgage on it.
    After a drunk driver ended her life it became my responsibility. At that time I was still recovering from blood clots. I didn't have job. I was injured physically and emotionally. I managed to get a job that first year without having a car in the beginning. I couldn't concentrate  on anything I was doing but I managed to hold it together. The Drunk Driver did not have insurance so I survived on hers for a while, like all things do it ran out. I've sold some things out of my house to survive.  I finally got a better job but still not a full time job. I work but still behind.
   What is it that I want to do? Well, for one I am tired of feeling like I am tied down. I just found out the other day I probably won't be in a court room for the accident until maybe 2014 at the earliest. Why am I here when I don't want to be. I have to go out and do something positive for myself. I have to have new dreams and new goals.  Anyone who knows me; knows I like to travel and my first trip I took was to London with the Crew. My mom provided the passport for that trip which led me to go off on other trips.  My new dream is to go to the UK and get a MA in Creative writing or one in English Literature.
    I am starting to apply now. I know it's ambitious but if I am going to dream why don't I dream big. I can't do it on my own. I haven't even been making it totally on my own here either. I am going to use social media to try to do so. I need this like I need to breath right now. I have lost hope and the belief that anything is possible. I am trying to get hope back. "What happens to a dream deferred does it dry up like a raisin in the sun (Langston Hughes)?  Frankly, I don't  want to find out. I have been existing not living. Maybe you feel that way yourself. I am going to try for myself but if I can pull it off then everyone can know that they can come from such a low point in their life and do something that seemed unattainable with hope and prayer and help from friends and maybe even people they never meet. No dreams deferred be dreams realised.